So I am 26 weeks and 5 days pregnant and over these last few weeks I have decided, in all my new found wisdom and ripe, bold pregnant demeanor, I should compile a list of things you should not say to a pregnant woman. Yes, the reason I know you should not say these things is because they have each been said to me (recently). So please, take note. I first mention what has been said to me and in parenthesis I have noted why it is not appropriate to say or what I only wish I had said in reply. My momma will be proud that I did not choose to say these things.
1. "Wow, you look how I feel." (Folks, what is this supposed to mean? I didn't say anything... I just grinned, and thought about how the blog I was compiling was only getting better thanks to fools like her.)
2. "Geesh, you look miserable." (Really?? Because the funny thing is I AM NOT... but you probably are.)
3. "How far along are you?" ( pause for my response ...) "Oh really, that's all?" (This can only make a preggo feel fat. That is all it can do. If you ask her how far along she is, you MUST follow up with "you look great"... It's not that hard... just do it. It's 3 words.)
4. "Are you just ready to pop, or what?" (Pop your face is what I'm ready to do.)
5. "Now I just don't think I was that big at 25 weeks when I had my triplets." (Said in a sweet southern draw from a very tall thin woman... do I need to really tell you what I was thinking? Im sure you can assume so I don't have to get totally tacky on my blog.)
6. "Now, that is going to be one BIG 'ol boy, isn't it?" (Nope, its going to be a TINY little thing. I am just getting fat for fun... the baby seriously is still the size of a pea.)
7. "Are you sure they got your due date right? From the looks of things, you are going to be earlier than that." (At this point I had received so many comments about how I had 'popped' all of the sudden and my belly was so big that I just wanted to tell her some obscure thing like, "Well, I went to the doctor yesterday and the strange thing is there is not only a little boy in here, there is also a PONY. Miracle, right??!! So, you are right... I might have to deliver a little early with how complicated things might get birthing a boy and HORSE on the same day.")
now this is the true champion of all amazing comments...
8. "Wow, you really are blimping up now aren't you... I can see it in your face!" (What's funny is I have this rare type of pregnancy where the baby is actually growing IN my face. You are actually the first one to notice.)
So here's the thing. If what you are wanting to say to a pregnant girl involves the word blimping, big, pop, or 'i can see it in your face'... please refrain. We can all do without... We are just trying to make it to the end.
I have taken these comments in stride... and mostly just laughed really hard with good friends about how ridiculous some people can be. In all honesty, I am thankful that I have some good stories to share... So if you'd like, don't heed my advice and keep 'em coming. I will just blog about you.
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5 comments:
Who ARE these people, and WHERE have you encountered them?? The Walmarts?? Ignore. You look beautiful and radiant. And, your swallowed retorts are hilarious. But, maybe next time you should hit somebody with one of these zingers....assuming that, unlike me, you can call up a comeback when you need one. Mine come to me a day later. If at all. K.G.
ha ha. This is fantastic and ridiculous all at the same time. And you couldn't be any cuter. I've received some interesting comments over the past few months and I'm sure there are only more to come.
What about something along the lines of "I remember the last time I swallowed a watermelon/basketball/[other large, round object]" ?
This used to be my standard quip to women of the pregnant persuasion as I figured it was uncommon enough to still be amusing. After reading your blog, however, I tend to think that the sheer number of comments a woman receives when pregnant negates anything you say as being very clever. After all, just stating the obvious never is ..
Oh Carrie- this gave me a good laugh- though I would forego the laughter in exchange for a little tact from the people I am guessing are your co-workers? I, for one, think you are a model pregnant woman. :)
Sam
How many of these were said by Zach? I expected your list to be filled with comments made by him.
Your "comebacks" are hilarious.
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