She's here. She's actually been here for almost 2 weeks. Somehow the time is already going by so fast and I'm just wanting so badly to slow it all down. How is Porter already 2? Didn't I just find out I was pregnant with him? Or did I just find out I was pregnant with her? Or, wait, did I just actually have a second child? I'm not old enough for this. That is my thought every time I look at my life. I am just not old enough for this. Somehow I feel way too immature and not nearly responsible enough to be in charge of other lives.
Then I stop and re think it and CAN NOT believe I have been given such a gift. Thank you, Lord, for the chance to be a mom. I do not take this challenge lightly. I promise to give them all I have.
So much has changed for me in the last months. I resigned from teaching - I gave it 5 good years and my heart was never there. I wasn't sure where my heart was... but it wasn't in teaching. Every day that I went to work, I wanted to be somewhere else. That is no way to live - and that isn't fair to the kids. We are taking a HUGE leap of faith and I will be staying home next year. I will be a full time mom and small business owner - trying to let Sweet Louise go where it will and let my heart settle into really loving my kids well. I felt like the last 2 years has been a battle of trying to do everything sort of well... and nothing to my fullest. I am praying that this is the beginning of being able to give fully to the things I love - my husband, my kids, my home, my business. I want to stop feeling like I am doing everything half way. Jack of all trades, master of none. I am so overwhelmed when I let myself think about next year - I am so thankful and also so fearful. It will be wonderful, right? I know it will.
I haven't really had a chance to take pictures yet of Mary Mae. She has been a perfect baby so far. Eating and sleeping well - the only things that parents worry about in the early days. I plan to take some pictures soon - but so far, while she is sleeping I am trying to soak up some time with my boy. He has certainly had a hard time with this transition - he loves his momma. It breaks my heart to see him sad or confused when I'm feeding her. He just says over and over 'Hold you. Hold you.' I know its a normal part of life, but man I really want him to feel loved through this process and never pushed out.
Here is my man. Porter, don't worry, you still have my heart... too.
Excited about what is to come.
3 comments:
so excited about your new adventure Carrie! Although money is tighter that it was when we were dual income, it's been the best decision I've ever made. Getting to do the two things you love the most (Mommy and Photography) will make you so happy. Love you all and hope to get to meet Mary Mae soon! We also need to get you to take some pictures!
Congratulations Carrie! I am excited for you guys and the adventure to come! I can't wait to see pictures of sweet Mary Mae!
Porter is such a handsome guy, Carrie & Zach. Can't wait to see photos of Mary Mae. Hey, it's "Z and C + two"!
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